no new calls

I just thought I'd update the SMN post, and inform the world that none of the mystery note recipients have called.
I had two calls last night from a blocked number
but no one left a message.

Socialist Mystery Note

There is a myth amongst proponents of a free-market system, and I’m sure you’ve heard it. Like anything else, it makes perfect sense until you actually analyze it.

The myth is that Socialism could never work because it just goes against human nature.

Human beings, it is claimed, are naturally selfish, competitive and aggressive. Thus, a classless society based on cooperation and equality can't be built. Humans aren’t meant to share, and thus could never flourish in a system in which they have to help each other.
Right?

The answer, of course, is (supposed to be) a free-market society, where the market makes all men equal, if not in their bank account, at least in their potential.

The argument (used especially in extreme free-market systems like Libertarianism) is that under a system in which cooperation isn’t required, people are much more likely to help each other, with people like Ayn Rand famously saying that human “selfishness would never allow for a neighbor to go hungry – we are proud in our selfishness, and charitable.”

I decided to put this theory to test, and solve the Capitalism / Socialism quandary once and for all.

In a free-market system, will people really help their neighbors?
or, can we not depend on our neighbors (who are, in most cases, either practically, or literally strangers) for charity and help?

let’s find out.
I posted the following notes on my real neighbors’ cars, with my real telephone number attached, seeking advice in the following fucked-up situations.

1. Hello – I think I'm constipated, and haven't shit in weeks. Any ideas?
2. Hello, We're neighbors. I need your help. My girlfriend is paralyzed, and I don’t love her anymore (because she can’t have sex). Is there any good way to leave her?
3. Hello, I’m your neighbor, and I need help. My toilet is backed up, and there is shit all over the floor of my bathroom. I can’t clean it because I got into a car accident and broke both legs. Could you help me?
4. Hello, I’m your neighbor and I need help convincing my girlfriend (who is a virgin) to do it with me. Please help me. Any advice?
5. I think I'm the last real person on earth. If you're real, please call.
6. My hair is falling out. I think it’s because I haven’t washed it in a few years. I broke my shoulders, and (like John McCain) can’t reach over my head. Could you come over and wash my hair?
7. Hello, we’re neighbors, and I need your help. I haven’t seen any of the SAW movies, because they’re too scary, but I really want to. I need someone to watch them with me, so I don’t get too scared.

If anyone calls me, I promise I'll post it on here.

here are the notes;

#5



#1



#4

The Mystery Note -- Silkscreen

Ok
so we're doing shirts this week for the Gendarmerie, which is the French version of the Police, or National Guard.
anyway

I decided to change the medium a little
and do a Gendarmerie Mystery note, for some Gendarme to find

I wrote this on the inside sleeve of the shirt
so chances are, he'll have the shirt for months before he notices it.

imagine what killing someone with kindness would look like


(click to make the images bigger)

the Mystery Note -- Air France

I'm not dead
in fact I'm alive

During my many hours spent on the Airplane this weekend, I decided to do a mystery note!

So I grabbed a barf-bag (is there a more polite way to say barf-bag?) and wrote on it.
The quote comes form Plato's The Apology of Socrates, which is what I'm reading now.
The point he's trying to make is that many of his (our) fellow humans look at an immediate problem, and not its' cause.
I thought it was beautiful.
So now it's a present for the next passenger
or at least the next person to vomit

Buy a Mystery Note

If you know me like you say you know me, you'll know that my most hated things are;
Thomas Kinkade
Marco Materazzi
Freedom
Money
and Snakes with Human-Teeth

Alas, I'm a realist (isn't that hilarious? everyone thinks they're a realist) and I suppose I need money to support my (art) habit.

I'm offering my Mystery Note Services for a fee.
$20 buys you the following;

1. Mystery Note delivered to anyone you choose
2. Photographic proof
3. Complete anonymity
4. Your choice of message*

What I need from you;

1. $20 (lesser donations are accepted, if you're broke)
2. Location of your victim's house/car (you can also choose a stranger)
3. A note, or message for your victim (you can also have me create one)
4. a rough idea of this person's schedule

*=Messages can be anything you want, no matter how imoral, as long as I don't get beat up, or thrown in jail for delivering it (i.e. no death threats, but I don't mind telling your boss he smells like shit)

Also;
I'll only wait around for them to come back & get the note for so long.
Time is money, you know?
In all cases you'll have photos of me delivering the note, but I may not be able to see them read the note.




click the button below to buy.

Mystery Note Jessica Holsey

My pal Jessica Holsey is a phenomenal artist, and the next Mystery Noter.
I'm excited because I've been a fan of Jessica's art for some time now.
She's great.

Please vote on the Mystery Note that Jessica will deliver.

The Mystery Note VII

I can't believe you're parked in front of HER house! You deserve each other! FUCK YOU, Rob I ran out of gas so I syphoned some of yours. Thanks for paying it forward! What if God was one of us? Think about it. Your fly is unzipped I have great news for you. You'll find out soon. My friend thinks you're cute. You two should hook up they're on to you. Don't eat shrimp for about a week. TRUST ME

View Results Free Myspace Poll

more on Mystery Notes

The Mystery Note VI Vote

My pals in California (and some other "states" such as Oregon, Arizona and New York) are in the voting mood, so I think it's time for a Mystery Note Vote, and I'm totally excited about this one.

For this special edition of the Mystery Note, I'll be collaborating with videographer Jerbot on a MN Video.

If you ever doubted my love for you, you can rest assured that I'm willing to wait in a car for hours waiting to record someone for your entertainment.
You're welcome.

What is a Mystery Note?

Voting will be today through Sunday.

The Mystery Note VI

It's done. He's gone. I expect payment within 24 hours. Sorry about the pee on the windshield, I’d been drinking. You’re the only one left. You have 24 hours. I watched you from you bedroom window last night -- you looked great. I've been watching you for 37 months now. I go through your garbage, wear the clothes you throw out, I even use your old toothbrushes; I have 4 of them now. Soon I will introduce myself to you. I know we were meant to be together. We will be together fore You are the greatest person I know. Fun is just around the corner! -- The Beach Patrol Make sure your father gets the following message -- "3-8-18-13 -- March 1st " tell him!

View Results Free Myspace Poll

The Mystery Note -- Paris

Ok, so this has been a long time coming (thanks).
This MN was performed and written in Paris by your friend Corine St.Ofle.

Here's what Corine has to say:
(click on the photos to make them big)

dear mystery note lovers,

for the paris edition of the mystery note, also known as mystery note v -- or mystery note/ paris -- i decided to also conduct a little experiment. the premise was the following: how long does it take for an asshole to realize they're parked like an asshole?

so when i saw this champion parked under my window...

i thought, "marvelous!!" (note: the car is not only parked on the corner, but it's also taking up half of the pedestrian crossing. where are the laws when you need them?)

this mystery note was a lot like a james bond challenge. with two embassies around, and an ultra nosy concierge, there were a lot of scrutinizing eyes to dodge.


here's the note, translated into french.

the original sentence was "your car is fat like an american." in the french version, however, i added a polite formula at the bottom that read, "but have a good day anyway." this could be reason for disqualification. i'll leave it up to the master of the mystery note, richard st.ofle.
also, here is a picture with the mystery note on the windshield:


once i displayed the note, i ran home to the window, because surely, i thought, someone who's parked like such a selfish asshole would have to just be running a short errand. wrong.

two hours later, when i had pretty much lost all interest in the assholes and subsequently life in general, they finally showed up. by they, i mean the two middle-aged women whose vehicle that was. and by middle-aged, i mean "probably old."

sadly, i was caught off guard, and couldn't get a decent shot. so here's my best one:

you really can't see that from the photograph, but the driver-lady picked up the note, read it, then put it on her dashboard (which i could see from my vantage point), as opposed to tearing it to shredds as i had hoped. oh well. so that's what happens to the mystery note when it's in paris.

this has been the latest volume of the mystery note. thank you for your patronage, mystery note lovers.

The Mystery Note Paris

Ok, so this will be only up for the vote for TODAY!
so vote quickly and vote often.
(results will be translated into French and used to spread Mystery Note pandemonium on the Old Continent)

The Mystery Note Paris

Let's get this taken care of, wait here until I come back I had a dream about you last night this car is leaking shit all over the clean street your car is fat like an american if you want to meet me for ice cream, all you have to do is say so I've about had it with you parking in my spot! don't look in your trunk! (ever) you're way too drunk to drive!

View Results Free Myspace Poll

The Mystery Note VI (Dani K-K)

Dani Kando-Kaiser is doing the next Mystery Note, and I'm totally excited.
Why?
Because while I enjoy myself in France, my Mystery Note work is going to be done for me, by one of the funniest, most witty fucking people I know.
I don't know how I got a real writer to do this, but I did.
Anyway, if you don't know Dani, you're in for a treat (and so am I).

Oh, and thanks for all of your contributions by the way.
There were so many, so I'm saving them up for the next three MN games.
(this one, Mystery Note France, and Mystery Video) so please be patient.
Love,
Richard

The Mystery Note VI (Dani K-K)

that ain’t my baby, and you know it you’ve come a long way my friend touché, you’ve made worm’s meat of me I said hats, not cats! I can't believe you allowed this to happen! My house is a fucking huge mess now! I've waited six months. I'm going to Pop Pop's house tonight and I'm telling him the truth about the racoon. You brought this on yourself, pal! Lance is going to be very mad when he hears what you have done Please tow this vehicle I fall asleep thinking about you. I love you, and you don't even know who I am.

View Results Free Myspace Poll

Mystery Note Suggestions Box

This isn't really a box, but there are three great Mystery Note games on deck, and I wanted to start getting the note polls together.

There's a MN featuring my pal Dani, one going to take place in France, and a special video edition featuring Jeremy Ferro.
I don't want to show all of my cards, but it'll be really cool, trust me.

Anyway, I wanted to collect suggestions for notes.
If you have an idea for a note, send me an email.
(mystery.note@saintofle.com)





STILL don't know what a mystery note is?
start here.
then read this
then this

The Mystery Note NY

So, special guest Mystery Note author Cori Heimer executed the Mystery Note NY!
Here's what she had to say;

Here's the execution & documentation of Mystery Note IV: East Coast Edition. For the record, I really wanted to hide nearby and catch the person's reaction, but since this is New York and no one moves their car once they get a spot- I thought better of it. I still enjoyed putting such a cryptic message on a car that had felt crafts & a rosary hanging from the mirror (see below) ...



I tried to make it look like the hand writing of a killer, but I'm thinking it more resembles the writing on the outside of a Chinese food take out box. Either way, it's terrifying!!



Note the accessories.



Mister nondescript sedan, you have been had.


34 of you will think this is funny.
35, counting Richard.



over and out,
Cori

Thank you Cori!

The Mystery Note, NY Results!

The polls have closed, and the results are in!
The Mystery Note that Cori will unleash on New York is....
(are you ready?)

I know what you did last summer

Wait for pandemonium on the streets, friends.

The Mystery Note IV

So my pal Cori Heimer is in New York right now, and wants to take the Mystery Note game to the East Coast.

I think this will be the best one yet, because she's totally adventurous!
Hold your breath to see how it turns out.

(voting is over on Saturday morning)

The Mystery Note IV

I think I'm in love with you Don't let them see you reading this Have you had plastic surgery? You look great I think there's someone following you Today is your lucky day call me as soon as you get this, something crazy has happened I know what you did last summer Write your phone number on this, and put it back where you found it. I'll contact you

View Results Free Myspace Poll

The Mystery Note pt. III

So this was Mystery Note done before the thanksgiving holiday.
As you can see, I wrote the note, and I thought it would be funny to put it on a truck that was covered in bird shit.
(You can't see it in the photo, but it was completely covered in it, it was awful)
I put the note on, and the plan was to wait until the person came out (I thought Safeway was good for this, as no one really stays there too long).
Sadly, after waiting what seemed like a lifetime, the person came out, and left while I was looking the other way.
don't' hate me, I'll make it up to you next time.


(click on the photos to make them bigger)

Spamoscope IV

Today’s Spamoscope was sent to me by my friend Alva Parker, and is titled “the waygoing compromise” which is totally a good start.

Pay attention to the sweet sister that she never had.
It’s too easy to say that she had never been close to her brothers; . . . three more days. The world is forty thousand years old. You need to show Sir Brendan that a widow’s peak is there above his big black eyes. Sad to explain because I hate common sense.


He allows his instincts to be manipulated by the sorrows; approximation was invested( * I'm writing. Know) From his padded refuge of serpentine complications he knows.

This is perhaps my favorite one yet.
It looks like it's going to be a good day.
There's work to do.

The Mystery Note Pt. II

So I had so much fun putting a note on an unfamiliar car, that I've decided to do it again. Maybe I'll even make a weekly thing out of it.
If you have anyone that you'd like me to target, send me an email. (richard@saintofle.com)
I put some positive things in there upon Graciela & Patricia's request.

I think, also that this time I'm going to try and capture the reaction of the victim -- ohhhh I shouldn't call them that -- the unwilling participant sounds better.

What should the note say this time? I think I'm in love with you You look taller than you did 10 years ago Thank you for letting me be myself I saw you get out of your car. You look good How good are you with Photoshop? I need to see you tonight (it's an emergency) You left your bra at my house No more rough sex, please. Can't we just make love tonight? Todd, please don't call me anymore. I've moved on. Look under the passenger's seat call me now. something's come up. can't talk in person. they know. if you park your car here tomorrow, I'll tint your windows for you. You're in my parking space, pal Janet, you're so special to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me? it's time to pay me the money you owe me .

the mystery note

So a few weeks back, I asked people to vote on what I should write on a note to be left on a stranger's car.
Overwhelmingly, the winner was;

"I'm sorry but I had to leave my mother in your trunk, I'll be back later to get her".

My pal Nathan and I went out and put the note on an unfamiliar Honda.
We had so much fun, that we decided to do the same to my boss' M5.
(as a side note, I found out later that my boss was actually quite freaked out, not because of the note, but because he thought he had a ticket).

New Poll

So I've had this idea for a while to leave notes on the windshields of cars by my work.
The idea came about because I found (on the ground) a note that said something like

"Nichole,
sorry I missed you this morning. Let's meet up tonight at your house, ok?
I'll bring wine"

I thought it would be really funny if someone named Nichole found it and thought it was for her.
So I deiced to engineer the situation.

Below is a list of mistaken notes, to be written on an index card and placed on a random windshield outside of my work downtown.
Each note is designed to solicit a different sense of confusion, or surprise.

the one with the most voted gets used.



View MicroPoll